It was late spring, early summer of last year that the lake reacquainted me with my husband. A long boat ride and dinner made up the agenda of our second Saturday night together in a row. Maybe it was the close proximity we were forced into as we shared the double driver’s seat, or maybe it was the moonlight reflecting on the water. Whatever it was, it held enough magic to begin a series of date nights with my husband.

 If you haven’t spent a Saturday evening alone with your spouse lately, or another loved one in your life, I’m telling you that you are missing out! Summer is a great time to reintroduce Date Night into your life. I have spent the past year’s worth of Saturday evenings with mine and it has opened my eyes and heart in so many ways that I thought I’d share my experience with you just in case you also have had too many Saturdays without a date.

After we had our first two children an evening out with my husband was a manageable endeavor and we did it often. In fact, it was a priority for us. Later when I became pregnant with our twins, I was around twelve weeks along and put on bed rest. Our date night was put on hold. The pregnancy went from bad to worse and climaxed with a mandatory caesarean section eight weeks before my due date. It left me very ill, left our new twins fighting for their lives, and left my husband with the task of making life relatively normal for our two older children. After 29 days in the hospital the twins were finally ready to come home. Date night status...still on hold.

And that is about the time the blur began. The blur of life settled upon us. We would make it through a day, through a week, finally through a year and still life was a blur. Having twins added to our family introduced me to a new level of chaos, noise, exhaustion, and busyness. Date Night was definitely a thing of the past. If we had any time with a babysitter it was used for a myriad of tasks. Time flew by and the blur of life continued to swirl around us.

Our twins turned four a little over a year ago. As the small things in life began to change (they bucked their own seat belts, climbed into their own chairs, no diapers, etc.) my mind began to clear a bit. I knew I’d been racing through life, but I didn’t realize the frantic pace that it had taken on until some dust began to settle. I looked at my children and really noticed them; “Hey, you four have grown,” or “Wow, I really enjoy you all.” I looked at my husband, “Hey, I remember you!” and realized that he was more than the father of my children.

And then it began, the reintroduction of Date Night. Our first real date in a long time was attending a concert in St. Paul. My husband got two tickets for my birthday; one for me and one for him. No kids. (I love my kids, but being alone with my hubby was a novelty at this point.) That was the night that the tide changed in our life. We went to a small bar on the riverfront in St. Paul to enjoy some food, some talk, and a beautiful view followed by the concert. I felt like a teenager on a first date, but all of the awkwardness was absent. There was just my husband, my marriage, and me. And I savored everything about them that night. It seemed so wonderful to finish my sentences, to hear about my husband’s life, and to sit in the moment.

It didn’t take any convincing for either of us to spend the following Saturday together. That night held a boat ride and dinner interspersed with much conversation. Here was the love of my life living right next to me, but going unnoticed much of the time simply because of the chaos of life. And so began a series of Saturday nights with my husband. We aren’t rigid about making every Saturday a night out, but we try to stick to it. We don’t plan a huge event each time; some nights are close to home and are kept short. Other nights include a walk around a city lake, a visit to hear a live band, a dinner at a new restaurant, or anything entertaining we can find around our wonderful area.

Some days I’m tired and could easily be talked into staying home with the kids. It is hard to find the energy to make it out on those days. However, it usually only takes about ten minutes alone before my husband and I have reconnected. It is in that connection that I regain my energy, that I regain myself, and that I regain an appreciation for everything around me. Rather than being a drain, the night out is always a source of sustenance. I find I am more patient with my children all week, more alive with them, and even more connected to them.

I realize that relationships can be difficult, especially marriage. There are good times and bad for all of us. We have challenges sicknesses, and breakdowns in all relationships whether it is with our significant other, our child, our parent, a sibling, or a friend. I’m not suggesting we ignore these, but perhaps we can occasionally put them on the back burner. Perhaps we can set aside the bad for a Saturday evening to focus on the things we love about those relationships and those people. Rather than waiting for the bad to end, maybe we can invest in the good parts, cherish them and notice them. It might make the difficulties seem a little less overwhelming and a little less important. It won’t make the bad parts go away but recognizing the good parts can be such a gift. Try to remember how you treated your loved one when you first met and see if you can treat them a little more like that one night a week. I have found that my marriage isn’t like a merry-go-round; it is more like a roller coaster. And I am glad for that because I don’t want to go around and around in circles, I want the difficult climbs, the precarious peaks, and the rushing thrills of zooming downhill.

Summer brings with it so many opportunities to begin dating. A boat ride, dinner at a lakeside restaurant, a walk, an outdoor concert, fireworks, festivals, or art shows are all waiting for you to explore. Most of all, if you have found yourself in that blur of busyness, cacophony of chaos, or the distance of distraction, ask your loved one out on a date. Look in their eyes and remind yourself of all the things you saw there when you fell in love. Think of all the things you love about them right now. And then tell them about those things. Celebrate your loved one. Celebrate the good. And celebrate your life together.

Celebrating life on the water,

Nancy Henke, Editor

By Nancy Henke

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